Christmas.

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I hope you all had a super, wonderful Christmas day :D Apologies for being absent foreverr... again.

My Christmas felt reasonably empty without my brother - in my nineteen years of being in this world, there has only been one Christmas he hasn't been with us, and that was out of his control, so I don't really count it.

Other than being (more than) slightly empty, it was alright. Not the best, I won't lie.

I would swap all the presents in the world for a hug from my big brother...

(You better believe I bought him that t-shirt...)

Emptiness aside... I'm more than grateful for this years presents. As always, I was surprised at how well these people know me.

I mean; Cupcakes, Cats & Stationary?! If that doesn't reflect me I don't know what does.

Begin, photo spam of this years presents! 

In a heartbeat my presents were: Cupcake shaped hand cream; Gold chocolate coins; Three notebooks; Hello Kitty keyring; 200 Cupcakes book; Bob Dylan CD; Kindle (!!)

Also, I got a luck necklace from my mum! (yes, I am wearing a cat print top).

The Presents ~

My niece got me a Hello Kitty keyring (!!). Did I mention she's five and chose it herself?!

She knows me too well already...

Three notebooks from my sister. I couldn't possibly ever have enough stationary.

Stationary makes me happy.

(From my parents)

Possibly the best thing ever. It's hand cream. It smells like cherries... but most of all, it's shaped

like a cupcake (!!).

Also from my parents. A Bob Dylan cd & a book of 200 cupcakes.

You have no idea how good that book is...

P.S - I'm in love with my Kindle. I have to write about that. 

I am back... kind of.

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Well, hello! I think I owe you lot a huge thank you, for sticking around, leaving comments, dropping by and following. Despite no new posts at all.

It might sound a little... mean, but I'm not gonna apologise for not posting for like, a week.

Because it couldn't have been helped. I won't post for the sake of posting, because that's not how I do things.

Things got on top of me, things got too much, they built up and crashed down.

I made mistakes and bad decisions. I am emotionally drained. 

I put everything aside, so I could calm down. And rest. And just... feel okay again.

I wouldn't go as far as saying I'm brilliant right now, I feel drained and not so much of a good person.

But, less emotional. And that's good enough for me.

I am back... but bare with me.

Christmas Wish list: Cute Edition.

The less serious, cute version of my Christmas Wish List...

Teddybear Cupcake Necklace // Fluff 'n' Tuff

Day of the Dead Turquoise Skull Necklace // Etsy 

Blueberry The Little Wooden Bear // Etsy

Holly Desert Boots / Accessorize

Cupcake Shop Lip Balms // Accessorize

{Actual Wish List}

The Week In Review [28/11/11]

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The Week In Review
[28/11/11] - [04/12/11]

I went to Cambridge and had a very Autumn worthy day; We entered December (!!);
The Christmas tree & decorations went up; I had major writer's block; I impatiently waited for
The Icarus Account's new EP to be released; I bought matching panda gloves and hat;
And I did a whole lot of not going to sleep before 1am...
As you can tell, I didn't do a lot this week. It was uneventful and boring.
This week though, should be a lot better!

The Week In Instagram...

Monday.

Wednesday.

(I didn't upload any on Tuesday)

Thursday.

Friday.

Saturday.

Sunday.

Focus.

I've said it before. My inability to focus on more than one thing at a time is pretty much ridiculous. 

Clearly I can't multi-task.

I haven't done much writing recently, mainly because my mind has been way too focused on other things (one thing at a time, of course) - things that should be at the bottom of my list but apparently creeped to the top.

I didn't even post yesterday... that's kind of a rarity.

I'm hoping to do some writing this weekend. But, I'm not gonna lock myself in a room and force myself to write. My 'writing' doesn't work that way... 

If I remember something, I write it. 

If I have something I really want to write about, I write it. 

If there's something in my head I wanna get out, I write it.

That's how my writing works. When it happens, it happens.

So, I'm hoping I'll write this weekend. But I'm making no promises to myself or anyone else.

Have a good weekend! 

I should have a 'week in review' post tomorrow.

Hello December.

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Happy December! My parents have greeted the new month by heading out of town

for a few days and leaving me home alone. Worst case scenario. 

I belong to that small group of people that don't actually enjoy being home alone.

But it's okay to be excited about Christmas now, right? 

Out loud, I mean... because I've been excited about Christmas since the beginning of November of course.

My blog will now go from Autumn-obsessed > Christmas-obsessed.

I kind of want to change my header image to something more Christmassy... but I love the little golden book-ness of it too much I think.

I can only hope December brings better things. November had it's moments, but, it didn't balance out.

December is the last chance to make this year a good one.

Oh Christmas Tree.

I'm covered in glitter and very tired, but that's what I get for staying up 'til 1am.

(The tiredness, not the glitter.)

Usually, as soon as we hit December the Christmas tree goes up, as do the decorations.

But as my parents are going away for a few days tomorrow... here I sit, covered in glitter, having decorated a Christmas tree a little earlier than usual. The baubles were shedding glitter as if they'd just been made.

And glitter spreads like wildfire... but that's fine. Glitter is accepted, especially at Christmas.

The tree looks a lot better than the photo. I promise.

November In Review.

November is to be over very soon, just one more day left; Which means it's even closer to Christmas and even more closer to the new year (!!).

So it's about time I sat back and pondered about December and filled my head with memories of November.

November wasn't the greatest of months this time round. Often, it's pretty good. Autumn, the cold weather is here, close to Christmas and the end of the year... I'm usually pretty excited and happy.

But there were a lot of... moments, I guess, in November that I didn't want to happen. Some that I could've prevented and some that maybe if I thought them through, it wouldn't of hurt as bas as it did.

But I can't undo those things now.

November has the most family birthdays, about 4/5. Including my mum's and my niece's.

My niece turned 5 this month! I've seen her grow up so much this month & I'm so proud of her achievements at school.

She really is incredible.

I made a promise to myself at the start of the year, that I'd travel at least once every month - which is usually not a problem considering the amount of gigs I go to. But I made a promise to myself, just to remember.

There were a lot of ups and downs... and more downs this month which meant I put off all thinking about going anywhere and at points, I just didn't want to go anywhere. So, not until yesterday, did I go somewhere.

I went somewhere familiar and nearby, but it was worth it nonetheless.

Something else to remember about this month is that I started this blog (!!)

Other lovely things that happened this month include:

Re-igniting my unicorn obsession, planning the redecoration of my bedroom, sitting in a park full of 

Autumn leaves & a whole lot of writing.

November was quite boring and uneventful, to be honest.

But above all, it was emotional.

I'm looking forward to December, snow (please) & Christmas, now ♥

Autumn.

Have you ever felt like you look like sh!t? Like, actually 'feel' it. 

I felt like that today. But that aside...

There's been a lot of Autumn moments. But today... today was Autumn.

The crisp Autumn air, walking through piles of leaves, sitting in a park for over an

hour with someone that's content with just sitting with you.

I didn't take any photos, while I was out. But for once, I don't regret that.

I needed that. I needed today to happen the way it did.

It was perfectly imperfect.

Day #3

[A Sketch A Day] - Day #3 / Heart Skulls.

Americans must of thought I was an b!tch yesterday. Spreading so much hate, full of spite and hatred.

Raining on their beautiful thanksgiving parade...

It wasn't purposely done, yesterday just went rapidly downhill & I have a habit of destroying everything in my path.

The end of the day was just as bad as the start - I couldn't sleep, I ended up doing a sh!t sketch of the day at some unholy hour and wrote many spiteful entries into my little golden book.

But it's better off in that book or on here... or pretty much anywhere other than my head.

Writing keeps me sane. 

I hope you had a good Thanksgiving - if you celebrated it - I can only apologize if you got

in my path...

Susie - The Icarus Account

Starting the day right... with a new song from The Icarus Account.
My love for them is indescribable.


Their new EP comes out on Tuesday (29th)
Youtube | Facebook | Purevolume | Merch | Twitter

Blinded by hope.

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I seem to have a growing problem with being happy that others are happy.

Don't get me wrong, I don't mean 'general' people - I mean, people that were in

my life, until they lost interest and drifted away or the ones that chose to just

walk away.

I can't seem to be happy that they are happy, maybe it's because that means

they're happy without me in their lives.

They're over it.

I guess I've always had issues with letting go. Givng up. Walking away. Forgetting.

I should've given up a long time ago, but there I go, sending her messages,

make believing we still have a friendship. And when she replies, eventually, it fills me

with hope - how naieve - and so I reply. But I have to send about 3 messages and

several reminders and hints to her before she bothers replying. Before she remembers.

She has more issues than I can comprehend. But that didn't stop her being a 

friend for 4 years. Why stop now?

The remains of our friendship are still there. There's still some light at the end of the

tunnel. But often it feels like I'm stuck in the middle of the tunnel & knowing, slowly I'm 

blinding myself by looking into the light.

I guess you could say I've been blind to a lot of things.

And blinded by some too.

Missing: Inspiration & Imagination.

I think someone stole my jar of inspiration. Because I couldn't find any today.

I'm completely and totally uninspired.

On this uninspired, average Thursday all that I really done was pick up my train tickets from

the station. 

Being uninspired is kind of 'worst case scenario' for me - everything I love doing involves being inspired.

My imagination didn't want to come out to play today either... It's F#!ked off with inspiration, I think.

They're having an unwelcome day off. They're probably hiding in a corner laughing at my stress levels.

That's my view on it, anyway.

P.S - Pixie has taken up guarding the unicorn shorts.

P.P.S - I added an 'About Me' page. I'll make it better in time, but like I said... Uninspired.

{More Photos}

Conflict.

[The Little Golden Book - 23/11/11]

I'm not really one for staying in bed or not wanting to get up. I'm an early bird.

I like to get up, open my curtains, observe the weather and greet the brand new day with open arms.

But that's kind of hard when the sound that you woke up to was your parents arguing.

It's hard to greet the day with a smile when it's already filled with conflict.

I don't want to go downstairs and risk becoming part of it.

I'm self destructive, but not that much. Not today, anyway.

I guess I have to remind myself that it's better than it used to be.

It's all too familiar though. I don't remember a whole lot of my childhood, but the sound

and memory of my parents arguing is the clearest memory of all.

Every night my mother would take me up to bed, read me a story and sit on the end of the bed

until I fell to sleep.

But if she was having one of the many arguments with my father, she would send me upstairs and

I would wait. When she eventually got round to me, it wouldn't be the same.
Too young to understand why, but old enough to know something was wrong.

They tried their hardest to shield me from the conflict. As a kid I went around knowing and telling

everyone my parents never argued. I was proud. But it was all a lie.

They could only hide it for so long. I got older, I listened, I noticed.

I got used to the sound of conflict.

I grew up and referred to my house as a 'war zone' because that was the way it felt.

Is it any wonder I hate arguments? That conflict gives me a heavy heart...

Now I'm the one pretending. And hiding.

Sure, it's better now. They have stupid, petty arguments rather than hateful, destructive ones.

But it's still conflict.

And an all too familiar scene...

Just like back then. Always sitting in my bedroom, waiting for the battle to end.

But searching for my own shield this time.

A Sketch A Day - #2

Horrific. Handwriting.

Day #2 - Unicorn

Mid way through it wasn't looking so good, but it turned out a lot better than I thought

it would.

I do have, somewhat, of a unicorn obsession right now. I like to think it's always been there, hiding,

but now it's just decided to burst out.

Unicorns aside... Christmas! More importantly, Secret Santa (!!)

I'm taking part in what is possibly the best idea ever.

A Secret Santa between bloggers!

{Melina} left me a comment the other day and invited me and so I thought I'd check it out

and I think it's an amazing idea.

You can find out more about it over on {Only A Flight Away} or {Famous In My Own Mind}